July 10, 2017

I suffer from depression and anxiety, I have done for years now. On and off over the years, it has had its really bad times. Today is one of them days. I struggle to find clarity through all the noise. I wake up feeling defeated and stressed even though I don't really know why!

It's not easy, no one ever said it was, but nobody said how bad it really is. That is the cold hard truth that when I was told that I was suffering from depression and anxiety nobody really sat there and told me how bad some days really get. How hard it is just getting out of bed let alone actually living the nightmare of your day.

All that goes through my head on days like today is noise. I can't make anything out of it, I can't understand why I can't stop it and I feel exhausted, wow do I! All I know in this precise moment in time is that I know I am down and I don't know how to stop it. I know there's no magical fix for it and I know that time heals but how much more time!

I like to think that sometimes I can work out whats wrong and if I do that then the noise will stop and I can calm down and think, however, this is always not the case. I just find it bizarre that I can have a day like this and know that tomorrow isn't going to be as bad and I will get through it. I love my brain at the same time as hating.

I wish I could just wake up and not feel like this but I have to realize that this is a part of my life for now. It isn't permanent and I will make sure that tomorrow is a better day, but for now, I will ride this wave.

The fact of the matter is, is that I can't even focus on watching adverts at the moment without anything else going on. I want to be able to sit down and write all of the issues going on that maybe causing this but the noise at the moment is too much!

Speak Soon

Danielle xx

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